Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional households.
Being brought up in an alcoholic family, I was raised to see the world through the lens of a dysfunctional family. The fear and uncertainty it created colored every aspect of my life and the way I came to see the world. Over time, I began to find myself isolated due to an deepening uneasiness with other people, especially those in authority positions.
The people pleasing behaviors I learned as a child in order to cope with the craziness of my alcoholic parents stayed with me into adulthood, and because of this I never really developed my own identity. It was almost impossible for me to detach from my internal emotional life, making interactions with society filled with strife and anxiety.
Without my awareness and understanding, the people I gravitated to and formed relationships with were either alcoholics or drug addicts, people immersed in compulsive behaviors and lifestyles. The unconscious need betrayal and abandonment was an undercurrent that pulled be into dangerous and unhappy situations.
It was so hard not to constantly feel like the victim in every situation, for it became a self fulfilling prophesy of self sabotage. I became an expert at playing the blame game. often swimming deep in a lake of self pity and toxic shame. Feeling guilty about every situation I found myself in came to immobilize any forward momentum in my life, reinforcing the constant negative self talk playing in my head. As a result, I found myself constantly looking to others to help me make important life decisions, increasingly at my peril.
I became dependent on the few people I came to trust, terrified that an any minute they might abandon me. As a result I would do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally. I kept choosing insecure relationships because they matched my childhood relationship with my dysfunctional alcoholic parents.
I became a willing hostage to the alcoholic in my life, burying my true feelings, just wanting to hold on for dear life, willing to exchange my freedom for the hope that I would never be alone.
Though ACA (ACoA) I was able to meet others and start seeing my behaviors the a more detached lens. The strength of the group and the fellowship gave me insight and strength to make the hard choices, to start the process of breaking the downward spiral or negativity and despair.
Today, with the help of ACA (ACoA), my life is starting to change in profound ways. I am starting to learn who I really am, take steps to put myself first and learn how to make healthy choices.
Find a meeting (Link to Official ACOA Site)
ACA - ACoA Meetings in VT, MA + NH 